Now I am a shoe lover of gargantuous proportions. From New look to Mui Mui, I don’t have a favourite brand – I just love shoes! In fact it wasn’t until I had to move house that I got found out for my addiction. When the removal men dropped one of my 15 boxes labeled ‘Scientific Equipment’ and ‘Clever Books’ and 18 little boxes slid out… not revealing more boxes like a Russian doll, but yep, you guessed it. SHOES!!

So what boots am I excited about this winter? Well, boots are still very tall this season, and by tall, I mean long up the leg, knee skimming, even over the knee is definitely in. Pirate is fading away as are over complicated boots, tassles, ties and so forth are taking a back seat, although minimal use is still ok. Cowboys, thank you Jesus, they are still here in a full force. As is wearing your boots over your jeans, which is the best trend to ever hit this side of the Atlantic with our rainy weather… No more going home with jeans sodden up to the thigh as if you’ve been on a fishing trip.

But don’t think that it’s all simplistic this season, there is a new sense of style and luxury with a retro touch that will strike the right balance between casual and classic elements. Decorative shoes are around but in a more eccentric fashion hybrid of both the arty bohemian lifestyle of the 20s and of the Woodstock generation of the 70s.

The Platforms we all swore we weren’t going to wear again and wedge heels are still a strong contender, but less brash for the slightly more reserved classy Brit look. Riding boots are still massive, as is the welly (you should still have some left over from your festival of love but chuck them out and invest in a really good pair).

Above all, don’t be a slave to fashion, get on eBay, pick up some vintage and get them re-heeled and re-soled (grips essential for not falling over stupidly on a date during the frosty seasons). Customize them yourself, wear them with leggings, legwarmers or silly woolen socks popping out the top. Just make your style your own, it works for Kate Moss, but then again, not for Helena Bohem Carter, so steer clear of the crappy jumpers and Oxfam if you’re that way inclined.

Well, it’s payback time! Shoes are calling out for blood and they want it now. It’s the return of the skyscraper heel.

Remember when spike heels came back in? They made us look leaner and sophisticated and we swore blindly that we would never wear another wedge heel. Wedges were dirty, reminded us of the spice girls, and gave us a clunky almost clumsy look. Oh, what a difference a couple of seasons makes. Wedges are firmly back in the stores and back onto our precious feet.

Chloe, Dolce and Gabbana and Donna Karan all featured wedges in their catwalk shows this season. From bright pink pvc, to natural tones and muslin straps, wedges were the finishing touch to nearly all the latest trends on the runways, whether teamed with thigh scraping minis or floaty dresses.

The great thing about wedges, besides the fact that they go with everything, is although they look clunky, they are actually easier to walk in than skinny heels. Your weight is more evenly distributed across your foot and pressure is alleviated from just being on your heel. So although they aren’t as sophisticated looking, your walk might look a little less like you really need to use the loo (that’s my high heel walk, which negates the fact that I am wearing sexy heels).

But if you promised that you weren’t going to wear wedges again, and aren’t as fickle as I am and actually mean what you say, then you’ll be seeking a wedge alternative. If you are then no sleek stilettos please, they are a definite no no no! NO!

The only way forward would be chunky-heel platforms for spring’s no-frills silhouette. The chunkier the better. Burberry, Donna Karan and Gucci had chunky heels pitter pattering down their runways in patent, pvc, duck egg blue and lizard skin. All the high street designers will be putting out copies in the shops so don’t be a wallflower when it comes to your feet this season. Make your feet feel like they are starring in the rocky horror show.

You do have a few options, you can a: wear comfortable shoes (yeah right) b: get gel inserts to cushion the blow or c: get plastic surgery for your feet.

There are a few different procedures you can opt for, from collagen injections to the balls of your feet to toe amputation to make it easier to fit into your favourite Jimmy Choos. Now some people have problem feet that do need surgery, but there is a difference between that and cosmetic procedures.

Personally I think that’s going too far, especially as footwear fashion changes constantly, and what are you going to do if a designer comes up with six toed sandals? Have one of your fingers grafted on to your foot to keep up with fashion trends? Are designers laughing at us behind the backs of our feet? Seeing just what lengths we will go to? Perhaps if we stopped buying foot torture chambers designers would create gorgeous heels with an emphasis on comfort? We can only hope.

Gel inserts, Party Feet etc, are made to go inside your heels, to take the pressure off a bit, though most of us have had one come loose at one time or another, giving the chicken fillet effect to our feet.

So what is the answer? Are we doomed to a life of blisters and bunions, or will we wizen up, lose some of our vanity and go for flatties, or instead go the whole hog and get an extreme cosmetic make-over for our feet. For now I think I will stick to a bit of hobbling, try some new gel pads and pray for heels to go out of fashion so I can pull out the slippers.